Getting Back to Blogging

My mom has asked me several times over the last 3 weeks if I have written anything on my blog, and, honestly, when she asks me is really the only time I have even thought about this thing in a month. For a while my blog became an outlet for me to write about whatever I was thinking (usually it didn't make a ton of sense and wasn't that insightful, but at least it was there...)
So I think a month of silence might actually mean I have been thinking about nothing. Honestly.

This month I have seen a lot of big changes. There was the crazy nationals comeback. The parting from Fury (i PROMS i didn't cry 4 times on Sunday at natties). The settling into a house with a housemate I don't know well. The back to a job (which, while flexible and allowing for a lot of working from home, is still actually a job that requires a lot of attention). The starting coaching of an open college team. The south.

It's a lot, I feel like, especially now that I am writing it out. And, I don't think I know exactly what i think about it. So I think I have chosen to NOT think about it.

As I sit here, staring at the screen, I kindof can't even think about what to write about how I feel right now. Mostly, I am impressed with the number of times that I have written the word I in this blog post. Now I am a little nervous that I will go back and realize that all of my blog posts are like that, but maybe that is ok...

Actually, as I sit here, staring at the computer, I am surprised to realize that what I want to write about is all of the good things that have come out of my move.
The best thing, by far, has been getting to hang out with my parents and get closer to my family. Working for my dad means that I talk to him about 47 million times a day. And, since he has always been one of my favorite people in life, it's kindof great. I had a bunch of people over for dinner on Friday night (fiasco that should get its own dedicated blog post), and as I started to panic at 5: 15 about how unprepared I was, my mom called and volunteered to come help me (or MAYBE i called her in a panic and frantically asked for help. i don't exactly remember). It was great - she came over, cooked, and we just hung out for a bit. I think it has taken a LOT for me to come back and realize that they are actually here to support me. I have spent the last few years proving to myself that i am totally independent and strong and can take care of all of my needs. I think that as I have done that, I have lost a little bit of my ability to really connect with people. It is nice to come back, be taken care of, and realize that we aren't really supposed to be as independent as I strive to be sometimes. I am actually amazed at my parents' willingness to let me in to any part of their lives while also establishing repeatedly that I have my own life here that they want to make sure I develop. Maybe in another 50 years I will start to appreciate how amazing they actually are to me, but it is nice to start to understand it.

I also really like my job. I get to interview people and write stories. I also get to read HILARIOUS opinion pieces (that could never be published), edit articles, and travel some around the southeast. it's pretty sweet. PLUS, half the time I get to work from a coffee shop or my own bedroom, which means I only occasionally have to dress up (BIG plus!)

And - I think I am really going to like coaching. It is challenging to figure out how to teach things, how to break things down, and how to get people excited about ultimate. It is also funny to watch me try to relate to guys - to encourage them while at the same push them to reach their potential. I still haven't figured out exactly how I will fit into their system, but it has been fun to try and figure it out.

I also really like Chattanooga. I like that I can bike everywhere. I like that there are a lot of cute coffee shops. I like the local grocery (even if I can't really afford to shop there...). I like that my parents are close by (also - still in shock about this one!). It feels like home when I bike around here. That is nice to feel when you have been on the road and lost for a long time!

I am definitely still not sure this is where I want to be in the near future. I think I still want to go to the netherlands, live my life there for a while and explore. I am struggling to find people here that are really in the same place in life as I am (this is especially hard since I am not sure yet what place in life I am IN!). BUT it is nice to stop for a while and enjoy where I am without really freaking out about the future. It's been a while since I have been able to do that.