That is the only 2 words I can think of to describe the 4 year old that I was babysitting tonight who LOST IT when she disobeyed me and got her toy taken away for the rest of the night. The 15 minutes of screaming that followed, until she fell asleep on the couch, was really awesome. As was the 30 MORE minutes of screaming once I woke up her from the couch, bathed her (it's pretty cool to be trying to wash a child's hair as she yells at you and tears run down her face), and got her ready for bed.
As I was sitting on the bathroom floor with her - my arms soaking wet, her wrapped up, snuggling in a towel - I thought about how comical the situation was. So here I am trying to reason with her, and she is just a disaster. As I got more exasperated, my first thought was, "if only you were an adult and we could actually talk logically about how NOT a big deal it is that you don't get your necklace for the rest of the night..." Then I just started laughing. This child is so much like what i picture I was like when I was a kid. Stubborn. Wants to please (most of the time). Usually very upset when anyone is upset with her. Drama queen. Loves the mirror. Thinks everything is funny in some way. I am not sure if that is how I was, but that is what I picture. And I wondered if my friends/family/people in my life think about me what I was thinking about her as I sat there, trying desperately to get her to understand that the moment would pass. How is it possible to get so caught up in tiny things in life that we forget to see a lot of other stuff that is going on? How could I be so grumpy for the entire day today because, well, honestly, I have no reason why...because I had an expectation in my head that something would happen? (yet i am not even sure what that something was!)
To this 4 year old child, tonight was everything. Her loss of her ONE toy ruined her whole evening - she literally didn't get to do anything the rest of the night bc she was such a train wreck. How do i teach myself that this part of my life isn't IT??? That some arbitrary decision (because at this point, it seems like i could just draw from a hat and go with whatever choice I draw) isn't going to be the most pivotal moment in my life?
Also - who thought for sure that i was going to be writing about my OWN major meltdown?
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3 comments:
I'm not gonna lie...I thought I'd be reading about your own major meltdown. So, so happy that I wasn't! You are sneaky.
I think I thought that because, when I think of you, and when I think of this blog, I think of just you. And you usually write about just you. And I had no idea there was a 4-year-old in your life.
And now, I'm glad there's not a 4-year-old in my life.
I am glad it wasn't your meltdown but if it had been I would have been there for you- well, in cyberspace or phone. So, are you coming to see me?
Hey Katie, I have been thinking about you although I had not been checking your blog lately. I have been working all month at the mission office every day until 5 except for Monday when I babysit Jackson (my favorite job!) Anyway what time I had on the computer when I was home was typing when I had it. Sounds like you are still searching for your place in this world. I am always here if you want to talk it out with someone else. I think you still have my cell phone don't you. I actually do better talking than writing! Anyway I love and miss you and you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs Jill
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