My friend Julia wrote a long post a few weeks ago on her blog about how she is constantly going back and forth between frisbee and family. Should we spend our vacation days going to a tournament or going to the family reunion? How many ultimate practice weekends can you miss in a season without feeling disconnected from your teammates? How do you explain to your family that you are going to have to cut your time with them short because you have to get back for a tournament?
I have struggled a lot with all of these questions over the years, and, unfortunately for my family, ultimate almost always wins out.
This season I was so happy, because I wasn't going to have to choose. The big family event is my cousin Eric's wedding, the last Saturday in May. Fury gets off every Memorial Day weekend, so I have been planning on flying to Chattanooga, hanging out with my parents for a week, going to the wedding, and then spending almost another full week with my parents before flying back right before Cal States (a tournament in Santa Cruz).
I just found out this morning that the last Saturday in May is actually NOT memorial day weekend. I am actually pretty upset about this right now. I now have to choose between my family and Cal States.
Generally, missing a tournament (or perhaps even just the Saturday of a tournament) would not be a big deal. But, because I am taking 2 months to travel around by myself, I am already missing all of tryouts and several practice weekends.
Right now, the only thing that is keeping me in the states for the summer is fury. I am really excited to play ultimate and play for this team in a way that i haven't been excited about ultimate in a long time (which says a lot, because ultimate still gets me more excited than anything else that i do, so the fact that i am that much MORE excited this season is significant).
I have basically decided that the number one thing i am focusing on in my life when i get back to san francisco is this team - being my best mentally and physically in a way that i wasn't last season. So if I really feel that way, how can I miss ANOTHER weekend? I am the kind of player that really needs to connect with my teammates if i am going to give my all to the team. I need to be at practices, at tournaments, and hanging out with my teammates outside of practice/tournaments if I am going to contribute to the overall success of the team.
BUT I haven't seen my family since Christmas. Hanging out with my extended family is one of the most exhausting and fun things that I do all year. We play board games from 8 am til midnight. We eat absurd amounts of food. And I have never been around a group of people that laugh more together at the most ridiculous things. Plus, I haven't missed any fury events because I have been hanging out with my family. Why should they have to miss out on my company for the one weekend that they ask to see me (not sure that they will actually collectively miss me as much as i will miss them...) because I decided to be selfish and run away to europe for a while?
YUCK! I hate being torn.
In the end, I will probably choose ultimate for the last weekend in May. I have chosen ultimate pretty consistently over the last few years. I will try to make some sort of compromise with my parents (just like I made for THIS weekend, when I am supposed to be in Chattanooga for my dad's birthday), and they will probably be sad one more time that ultimate runs my life. Then I will know they're sad, I will get defensive and point out that my brother is also missing for a sport (he's a baseball coach), and I will pretend like it isn't a big deal that I am missing out. but we all know that it is.
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4 comments:
Katie,
I know that is a tough one. I also know that on "THIS SIDE" of the fam you are soooo missed and yes, we know when you are gone. As far as the "OTHER SIDE" of your fam, well you have to decide. You're smart so whatever will probably be fine. Have a great weekend.
Obviously I really appreciate this post and understand your dilemma. I just found out about a wedding that same weekend (the weekend after Memorial Day) when we have tryouts scheduled for that same weekend. And I'm a captain this year, so I feel even more pressure to be there for everything from the beginning and setting the right tone. Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!
Have you thought about compromising and going home for Memorial Day weekend? You would see your family (although maybe not everyone who would be there for the wedding), and you wouldn't have to miss any Fury events.
doesn't it sometimes feel like ... frisbee or everythingelse ? This has been a major issue for me. Balance. and understanding why I choose fris over connecting w/ others in other ways (gf, fam, non-fris friends... which i could argue all fall under the overarching category of "family").
I think I wrote a team msg once abt how the team becomes my family for the season, when I choose to spend time bonding w/ team, training, practicing, developing, etc. Are there other things that one wants to spend her/his "free time" doing. Could that time be spent making other relationships stronger. Absolutely. and maybe each person has to evaluate what drives her/him to make those decisions. ? obligation? dedication? wanting to win something? love of the sport? intangible positive impacts on one's life? not wanting to tackle the big-ness of real life?
I dunno. I think I gained some perspective in taking a year off. Still continually evaluating. Or, as a new acquaintance of mine might say, re-establishing.
btw, isn't there a way to edit your own comments? seems silly if there isn't.
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