i base a lot of my own opinions about myself on how i think other people view me. It is something that i hate about myself - and another reason while i am traveling by myself. In the last few years, i have intentionally tried to not do this, but I think what i end up doing is still based on how others will view me - now i just want them to view me as someone who doesn't take into account other people's opinions. But really - that is STILL basing a lot of my actions on how they'll view me. (does this even make sense?)
Either way, i feel like numerous people have emailed me in the last few days to say, "stop spending time on the internet and get outside!" Part of me wants to say, "they're right - get outside katie."
and part of me knows that emailing with friends and blogging are really important to me right now as i spend the majority of my days alone. So, instead i have had to continue to ask myself what i would like to do with my own time - not based on what i SHOULD be doing as a traveler who might not ever get a chance to be in croatia again, but as me.
I am not seeing a lot of things I SHOULD see (i think i walked up and down the main tourist drag 18 times yesterday,just watching the people instead of looking at the sites that were all around me). but i am working really hard to make this trip be about what i want to do. That means that maybe i need to ask people to NOT tell me to go outside and get away from the internet. and don't tell me what i should be seeing or what i am missing out on if i don't go see something. Maybe just appreciate that i want to blog right now. and maybe, if i dont' feel like it for a few days, accept if i am away from the internet.
I think I have to ask that because people's opinions matter too much to me, and if people keep hounding me to go outsdie and see what is around me, i probably will do that. and maybe i would even appreciate that later. but right now, i want to make my own decisions about what i do with my time, and i don't feel like being heckled by people who would spend their time differently.
The defensive part of me actually wants to say, "ok - cool - you get up the nerve to quit your job and come to another country all by yourself!" and see how many people would respond. But it isn't really about that or proving that i have done something that other people wouldn't do. it is about doing whatever the heck i feel like doing right now. very few people have the luxury to do that ever, and i have it for the next while (til i decide i actually have to get a job when i get back), so right now i am going to be on the internet and not making any more excuses about it. and please don't make me make excuses about it. because i'll probably try.
also - it is sortof scary that i post these things on facebook now. i mean - that doesn't mean people actually read them, does it?
6 comments:
my bad... i'm guilty as charged, which is funny cause I remember feeling the exact same thing you do now. thanks for the gentle chastising. this kate discovering kate thing has been awesome to witness.
I love how you still Gchat me when you're abroad! It keeps my day at work exciting and thanks for all the good advices you've given me too!
Good to hear from you. I hope you do have fun wondering around visiting people.
I am not reading your blog, repeat I am not reading your blog.
mr.tom
you can't spend every moment touring cities. I remember when I was in Italy I got burned out a little by seeing too much stuff. I think it is a good idea to take it at your pace and if you wanna hit the net up, do it!
I love the blog, keep it up!
Dear Katie, I have been reading your blog and I think I finally figured out how to leave a comment. I'm embarrassed to say it took my about an hour! Anyway, I mainly just wanted you to know I love and miss you. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs, your cousin, Jill.
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